.. ....

so this is probably a record for me, and probably the sign of the lack of work i have that I'm back and blogging again so soon after the last post.

My mind is racing today - due partly once again to the lack of work, but also to the fact she started Uni today. And that means a lot of new guys and people in her life, none of whom are me. And none of whom will ever mention me.

i know she said she needs space, and we talked about her staying single for a reasonable about of time - but i'm beginning to think she didn't ever agree to that. yes, we talked about it when she first met with her counsellor and she said she was thinking it might be good for her to be single for a while.
and yes, during the break up conversation she said she hadn't been single properly since she was 15 (or perhaps even younger - I can't remember).

And yes, I'd like to give her space to find out who she is. but I also want to be in her life so desperately. i miss hearing her voice. i miss seeing her beautiful face. i miss just walking hand in hand with her. i miss holding her and telling her everything will be ok. i miss hugging her. i miss kissing her. i miss it all. and i want it all back now. i want to see her. to just be back in her life and her in mine.

and i know i could wait. but why should i? and i know if we are to be together we could have 50+ years together so what's a couple of months? but i just want to know if it's even a possibility. and i fear trying to find that out could make it not a possibility.

fundamentally i miss her, i hope she's missing me, and i hope it works. but that just still doesn't seem enough for me right now. i've tried praying, but it doesn't seem to make it better. i've tried blogging, but i'm still writing. i just hope something shifts soon - i miss her.