.

i post so infrequently i hope this is swallowed up into insignificance. besides, it's a new year and everyone feels obliged to make comment on this fact, so the news registers are ringing like the tills at Harrods, which I will continue in my blissful ignorance to assume still starts its sale on 1st January, and not like others on Boxing Day (or before). and I said 1st January, but almost caught myself saying "January 1st". which is tragic.

so i've had beer and whisky, and then went onto the social site, and saw once again a vote for one party, and not for me. and yet again i feel it, that sense of both rejection and longing. i want to be on that list, i want to be selected. and yet i wasn't. i'm equal to him (notice lack of capital letters - i'd never want to elevate myself equal to Him, merely trying to hard to emulate Him). and yet, in this time, this place, this now, it feels like i'm not.

it may be my mind playing tricks, and it may just be neuroses, and i can think of tests, performed by independent adjudicators, that could once and for all answer the question. and prove me right. or wrong. but i know the proper way doesn't involve this. it involves ignoring it, or in fact it involves, well, what?

i have the feeling it'll be 366 days before i revisit this post again. and i'll let you know the answer. if i know it. if not, heck, i need to, well....