next steps

well that was a night filled with worries - and all for naught.

she met with T at 7.30 (well, 7.15 as he turned up early). i know no details, other than her words 'it really is over'.

she was very traumatised by it (as i guess is understandable as she was fighting false feelings of love over the guy, but it's over. he's not an option any more.

i hope and pray fervently that this has the word 'forever' at the end of it - but i feel she feels that way too.

now i just need to work out what i do.

i've discovered through all this that i'm absolutely in love with her. crazy about her. all the usual stuff and more.

and i need to work out where to go next.

she's thankful for my support through all this. telling me she can't thank me enough. i only hope she works out why i've given her all this support, why i care about her so much. and hopefully, well who knows.

but fundamentally, the other thing i've realised - you can rebel against God all you like, but it doesn't stop Him from blessing you and those around you. even in the darkest times.

i need to pray more. cos He is awesome.

the tumultuous weekend

you find me here, at work again with a break in workload.

you also find me here on Monday after quite a weekend. or rather just quite an evening yesterday.

i found her by text to have told me on wednesday last that she'd bumped into her ex. and it had shaken her.

i told her i'd pray for her, and that was appreciated.

we agreed to meet this coming Sunday, so I texted yesterday to reconfirm. she reconfirmed and said she's looking forward to it to hear my opinion on various things.

curious i enquired what about?

she then told me she'd decided not to get back with T. The ex.

I hadn't even realised he was an option, or that she'd even considered it. and now she's telling me she'd decided not to get back with him.

I know I should be relieved, but firstly i need to get over the shock of this revelation.

i didn't let her know the shock, simply commended her wisdom and told her i know it must have been hard.

she said it was hard, and she's dreading having to tell him they're not getting back together. which she's doing today.

Today.

i'm praying like crazy - as she told me he can be very persuasive.

what if he proposes and she thinks 'yes, this is the easy way out of this'.

Or if her begs her, or says he'll do something stupid.

what if?
what if?
what if?

i'm praying but it feels so lonely down here. and i'm looking at my phone, willing it to have delivered a text saying 'i did it, i told him' or something along those lines.

because if the message delivered is opposite, worlds will crumble and crash around me.

hopes will shatter.

i will break.